thoughts.

Originally this blogspot was for my personal thoughts until I started using it more for english class although I don't feel like making a new blogspot so I will just continue with what I am here to do; write.

After talking to my friend about his personal relationship it made me question mine. Everything is going so well, a little too well. I hate to be the typical girl that every guy hates but I got to get something off of my chest. Now don't get me wrong I love every little bit of everything that we have it's just that... I know that he likes/loves me, but sometimes it just seems like celebrity's in front of the camera. When we are with other people or perhaps he is with someone other then me everything is different the tables have turned. When the cameras go off and it is just me and him its perfect in my eyes. He shows so much compassion and love. We are definitely both on the same page when it comes to hanging out with our friends and setting our lovey dovey stuff to the side although I wonder if it is even there. Of course I can't expect anything, but hearing my guy friends talk about their girls as if they were their world and how much they cherish and love their girl makes me feel a little left out. But how can I feel left out when I have everything I could ever wish for? I talk him like I am telling a fairy tale, it never ends and only the best comes out from it. Am I just a painting in a gallery? There are things that I don't want to talk to him about because it will always be the same answer. I don't even know why I am getting my head into this but this has been on my mind since the day we first started talking. Why is it so hard for him to tell the world that I am his girl? Yeah, I know that he looks at other girls and being the attentive girl that I am I love attention. But I always flaunt that I am taken and when I see someone all I can see is him. Yea, he may look at them and be impressed for a few seconds but hold back because he is taken but is that the reason why? Just because he is taken? Let me put it this way, when I look at other guys all I see is him. I don't see any other face but his. Whatever I do I always keep him in mind. I choose not to walk away because I am so deeply in love with everything he has to offer and with him. Is it me that he loves? Or the thought of us just for that second that we are alone and once were not it vanishes? I know that if I ever told him about this, he will just say " okay then what do you want me to do go brag about you to everyone and talk about you 24/7" the situation always has to be turned it will never just be heard and be taken into consideration. I hope someday he will realize that yes all of him may be there when it's just us but only half of him is there when the cameras turn on and the other half that is missing is me. I don't want to feel like the bad guy. I am always the one that finds something wrong with us when looking at the bigger picture we are more then good were perfect. When I say I don't want to be that sterotypical girl that every guy hates is that I don't want to be the one that is always complaining and finding things wrong with us. But it's different when I have held it in so long. Am I do anything new? Or are you use to everything from your past. Everytime I see a couple I think to myself... " why can't that be me?" and when I am with him I still wonder... " why can't that be me?" Are we really on the same page?