SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED I DONT EVEN WANT TO BEGIN TALKING ABOUT IT... let's just say, i'm sick of people not using their minds. a deep, intellectual person is so damn hard to find. most people don't realize the dumb ignorant shit that comes out of their mouth. all i can say is "dude, you're heading down a horrible route." use your mind, a beautiful gift that God gave to you. don't be ignorant, don't be stubborn or careless too. i'm sick of people not using their minds. i swear, all these fucking kids do nowadays is whine. i'm so sad to see how this society has become. wasted minds, people just be fucking dumb. i mean seriously, is it so hard to think? in this life, you either swim or sink. without your mind, you'll go completely nowhere. and you'll probably whine and bitch saying its not fair. well i'm not one of those kids, who wastes their intelligence. i don't live in the past nor the future, i live in the present. whining over stupid shit is not how i roll. being a little spoiled brat won't help me reach my goal.
I am so confused on what I should do.. I second guess myself on whether I should stay or leave but my heart is telling me to stay although I believe I don't deserve this kind of behavior. I'm willing to stay in this if he is although I want to see change and that may not happen. Yes no relationship is perfect and people do fuss and fight but we have to learn how to compromise. All my life I was known not to take crap from anyone, although I let him take over me and he is doing a very good job at it. I let my guard down because he gave me the relationship I have always dreamed of and everything seemed so perfect.. I don't want this to end but I feel like he just gave up. We have been through so much to let something like this get in the way. So really the choice is his. I don't regret anything at all in our relationship because I have learned and grew so much from it. It's funny how I look at the relationship his friends have and it seems so good and they lasted so long and yet we are struggling so hard to keep ours together but when we are together everything just feels right; well to me it does. I value everything we have and wish for all the things we don't have. I haven't given up but I think he is which worries me. I know that he has told me he can hold a grudge for a long time and whether he wants to admit it or not we are kind of playing a game here. I know that his pet peeve is not answering fast enough on AIM or whatever but I can't help all the time that my phone never gets service and I am a slow replier. He has to understand that and right when I thought he did these habits come back again. He tells me that he is going to ignore me so I know how it feels. That is a great game and he is doing a good job at a game I don't want to play. I hate how every time something good happens to me something gets in the way or gets taken away. I ask myself why does this happen to me?
Noah: Would you stay with me?
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'.
Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Gabe, I remembered this from The Notebook and every time I think about it it reminds me of us. Like I have told you "We can be as happy as we want to be but we got to make it work." I'm not ready to give up on us yet and I want to make things work It's just whether you are willing to help make this relationship grow or not. It takes two people who want the same thing to fight for something as strong as this. I know we have gone through a lot of struggles but we always managed to go through the tough obstacles of life together. I don't want to stop yet, I want to keep pushing and keep moving forward with you. I have done things that I never pictured myself doing for anyone and yet I did them for you, I did them for us. I did those things because I believe and value and cherish our relationship. The thought of us breaking apart tears my heart and crushes it into a million pieces. I never thought we would be in this predicament this early but I told you that I would fight for us through everything, now the time has come and I still stand here with my word that was given to you that I will not give up on us... but its you that I feel is drifting apart and ending everything we have. I have a small box of wonderful memories that I adore with you. I told you that we would open that box together one day in the future. I want to keep making memories not bury them. You are different in a good way and bad way like you told me.. and I know you are not perfect and I know your flaws can get in the way of us 99% of the time.. but I was and still willing to deal with those flaws and push through those bumps on the road to keep moving forward.
I am so tired of tossing and turning at night wondering what he is doing and what he is thinking that it effect my everyday life. As much as I want to put on this I don't care routine its not how I really feel. I do that to keep myself occupied so I don't have to think about what we are going through so my heart won't stop giving up.. but I really do care just when I think about the situation we are in now and what it can lead to I refuse to believe that we could be over.. I don't want to tell myself that even though it is a possibility...
" Have U Ever Been Tired Of Ppl Asking How U Doin And U Say Im Takin It Day By Day. Everywhere I Go I Feel Like Ppl Laughin. Im So Stupid Cause I Let My Good BOY Get Away. My Life Aint Got No Betta, So U Must Not've Got My Letta. So Startin Taday Im Lettin Go Of My Mistakes. Whatever U Wanna Say Baby Im Listenin Cuz I Kno
I Kno That I Hurt And I Dont Deserve You And U Say Its Karma But No I Just Want One More Give Me And Encore Dont Walk Out That Door Baby. Call The Paramedics Cuz Baby I Wont Make It If U Try Ta Tell Me U Dont Wanna B My Baby So Dont Say That to Me If We Cant be The Way We Used to be."
JASMINE IS BACK! man oh man has it been a while since i have last updated this thing, a little over a month to be a little more specific. Life has been CRAZY! A lot of pros and a lot of cons. Well lets get this thing started.. :]
Life: Life has been hectic and family has been all over the place with chaos and destruction. The update on my parents is it is officially over and there is no coming back. My dad has finally realized he cannot start this family again because he is just not ready and he never really was. The only thing he could do is bring money in but money has nothing to do with raising a family, it is only a small aspect. Unconditionally love and care is what a family needs to stay together and he cannot be there for us as much as he would like to because its not in his heart to stay. Its understandable as much as I hate to say it I have seen this coming since the third grade. My mom is holding up a lot better than she normally does in situations like this. She keeps herself occupied so she doesn't have to think about the pain. I personally wouldn't mind having a step dad although he would literally have to be the best dad ever. Even though I am not going to be next to her for a very long time because I am heading off to college in 2 years I need to know that this one is a keeper and he will treat her with love and care and be there for her at all costs. If they ever plan on having a kid than the father role needs to come into FULL EFFECT. There is no backing down she needs "A list material not one that barely made it on A list." Switching topics over to my family in general, we recently had a family trip to the beach and it was great I enjoyed every minute of it even though it got boring most of the time I enjoyed their company and us being together as a family. My cousin Bin or Long dug this like 5 foot hole and it was crazy. This guy always has this goal on every time we go to the beach to build a ditch from the time we get there to the time we leave. Crazy ass asian :] I got to hang out with my cousins Trinh and Quyen since I rarely get to see them since they live in Texas. I am glad to see that they are doing well and are enjoying their trip down here in California. My cousin Bo or Duy is an interesting character but I love him nonetheless. Even though he plays this " everything you do is disgusting and I don't care" type deal he has always been there for me anytime I needed someone to talk to. Even though he is only a good listener. If only he gave good advice too. Really throughout everything I thank God everyday for this guy :] Him and Bin remind me that no matter what age you are, there is always a little kid in everyone you just have to release it. I adore both of my cousins and it is so funny how they make me laugh even when I don't want to about ANYTHING at all. Everytime im having a bad day or I just want to get away I go straight to their house and all of my troubles drift away right when I walk through the door, it's amazing how they can do that to me, i love and respect them :] Just yesterday my little cousins got into a little fight with each other. Nina had a little over six dollars and she promised the other kids she would buy ice cream for them although Jennifer told her that scribblers were only fifty cents so Nina thought that she would be able to buy enough ice cream for all of the kids. When the ice cream man came he said that scribblers were one dollar and twenty five cents. She realized that she doesn't have enough money to buy ice cream for all of them. The littlest cousin Brandon has this behavior where if he doesn't get what he wants he will cry. So she felt forced to buy him ice cream but she knew that if she bought one she would have to buy one for all of them. After the ice cream man left the older kids got frustrated that Nina had broken her promise to them so they told her that they no longer trust her and they don't want to play with her anymore. She comes running in my room and starts bawling. I tried having a talk with the older kids but of course they will never admit that they are selfish. So there is nothing I can do after that. I can't quite remember on what happened specifically on what has happened this whole entire month but lets start fresh :] Just today the 3 La La's (Julie, Richard, & I) finally got together at Richard's house. It was a blast hanging out with them as well as Carol and Anthony. After hanging out at their house I went over to my Uncle's new house to help him move. The most FUNNIEST thing happened as we were moving things out of the U-haul truck. I found this cardboard with writing on it in the back. It said " RIGHT EQUIPMENT" on the front than "LOWEST COST" on the back. Oh man we had great laughs with that. Later we all were getting ready to eat and I call my uncle to tell him to buy SPAM I have no idea what happened but there was a miscommunication and he heard STAMP instead. Ten minutes later they come back with 2 stamps and we are all like WHAT THE !!??!?! We said SPAM NOT STAMP!! Oh maan it was freakin hilarious! Than Bin and Bo were having this argument about cameras.... odd I know. But we finally settled on CANNON STI OVER NIKON D80 well Cannon>Nikon. Today was just an overall fantastic day except for the fact that I started my menstrual cycle today BLEH but actually I have been wanting to start it so I guess it was a good day :]
Love: I really dont need to talk about this but overall it is going pretty well :] We recently came out of a huge discussion that didn't go to well but I would rather not say here on my blogspot just because than everyone would be in our business hahaha but it's really a case of our flaws going into effect.
