Life: Over these past couple of days, a lot has improved and a lot has changed for the better and for the worse. Family issues are still in play and it seems like a never ending game of bias viewpoints. I can never seem to connect with my dad even though he says he really wants to understand and I try to open up to him but because he is hardheaded and ignorant he won't listen. " Don't let anyone tell you you can't do something" I tell myself that everyday when I see him. My whole life I have tried to please everyone around me and try to satisfy there needs, well now its my turn. I can't take it anymore. All of this negative connotation and the person who tells me he wants to change doesn't make the extra effort to support me with what I have a passion for. Lies on top of lies, thats what hes best at. I know that my mom tries hard to please both of us and I respect her for that. I love my mom unconditionally she has raised me to be who I am today. I thank God for her everyday and nobody can take her away from me, especially him. I have tried to balance my life between school and friends and family but it can never be balanced because one is always heavier than the other. I pray for the day when I will be happy. Just when it seems like everything is going so well someone always gets in the way of my happiness and its normally the same person. I love my friends more than anything. When I am with them, all of my troubles disappear. They always keep a smile on my face and want to see me happy.
Love/Social: Yesterday 1F came over and we had a movie night which didn't go as well as I thought it would. It was fun having everyone over but the fact that my house is a traditional cultured Asian house it's hard for some of them to understand how much respect you need to give to elders especially when you are in their house.It was hard to watch the movie with all of the side conversations going on but I ended up watching the movies after everyone left. I had a really nice conversation with my best friends Julie Tran and Richard Vo. Every time we hang out it is never dull. I love being around them and their positive attitude and how we are all naturally comfortable with each other and can be open minded about anything. We had a very nice talk about each others personal life and I have come to find mine confusing and not entirely to my satisfaction. They helped remind me why I stayed single for so long. It's hard to find a guy that will keep you on your toes and molds who you are as a person. Hanging out at Vista Park was a thrill. I had a ton of fun laughing until I could not breathe. I think the only thing that bugs me when I hang out with the Fam is they don't realize that a lot of their jokes towards me isn't necessary. I understand they are joking around but I don't like to be referred to a porn star. Thats not a compliment to me. I know they mean well but even when I have told them to stop they continue so what am I to do? I guess they are at an age where everything refers to something sexual. It's funny at first but gets old after. Other than that, I always love spending time with them and I feel bad that we are all separated from each other because of where we live. Knowing that, when we hang out we make the best of it. Have a lot of laughs, make a lot of memories, and just appreciate that we are all here together. One Family nobody gets left behind; ohana.
Lesson: "Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do something" always strive and push yourself beyond the limit. Determination, dedication, and perseverance will give you the drive to succeed in everything you do. Negative put downs will only help you in life. It will make you a stronger person to push you to prove everyone wrong.
Quote: "We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Song of the Day: Spotlight by Jennifer Hudson
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
June 19, 2008 2:00 a.m
Life:
I woke up this morning to a beautiful California sunshine gleaming through my window and a lot of missed calls eeek. As usual I was woken up by my little cousins and greeted with my youngest cousin Brandon who is three jumping on my stomach asking me to wake up and play with him. Of course, I told him I would be out in a minute and this is the time I take care of my missed phone calls. I listened in on my voicemails and noticed that Lucy my school's ASB President left me a voicemail saying that there is going to be a last minute ASB meeting today at 12 pm. I quickly checked the time on my phone and realized that I had about ten minutes to get there. Right when I was about to leave my grandma tells me that I need to stay home and watch the little kids. So I had to call in 
Lucy and tell her, of course it would have been helpful if she had told me a day in advance but there is nothing I can do. I still will continue to take on full responsibility of my role being ASB Director of Dances :] After I dealt with that issue, Richard called me asking what I was doing and I planned on going swimming like I have been doing everyday and asked him to join me. He came over around 130 ish and we left around 330 because we invited Jimmy also and to my suprise Timmy was in the car also! When we got to my cousin's mobile home we hung out there for half an hour just to wait for the manager to leave so we can all go swimming. Just our luck right when we open the gate she kicks us out. So than Jimmy, Timmy, Richard, and I go to Thi's old apartment complex to swim at that pool. Thankfully a lady was there and opened the gate for us. It was fun and it was nice hanging out with all of them. Seeing as I never see Timmy and I see Jimmy every once in a while. After we swam, Jimmy got us all something to drink at 711 and than took me home. When I got home my father and I looked at the stove and saw nothing that satisfied our taste buds so decided to drive to KFC. This is where my day got interesting. I was driving on Monterey and the light turned green indicating me to go right as I turn a car just comes flying past me running through a red light and was an inch away from an accident. It was such a close call I was petrified after that. After getting KFC having chicken and rice just made my day a little better :] After the incredible meal, I took a shower and than got on the computer to check my emails. I saw that my friend Jennifer and Kenny from Oregon was on AIM and remembered that she was in San Jose. Their grandpa past away not too long ago, may his soul rest in peace. The funeral will be held tomorrow at 9 a.m at Oak Hill, I ask God to let his soul rest in peace and be carried to heaven. Kenny and I decided to catch up on things and see how everything was going how life was. Interestingly enough, he and I are somewhat on the same page. It was great catching up with him and hopefully we can call meet up before they have to return to Oregon. It was already getting late and before I knew it it was midnight. So I ended the night making a phone call to James and could not go to sleep after so decided to write in my blog and here I am! Today really was an interesting day and It had me going through a roller coaster of different emotions.
Lucy and tell her, of course it would have been helpful if she had told me a day in advance but there is nothing I can do. I still will continue to take on full responsibility of my role being ASB Director of Dances :] After I dealt with that issue, Richard called me asking what I was doing and I planned on going swimming like I have been doing everyday and asked him to join me. He came over around 130 ish and we left around 330 because we invited Jimmy also and to my suprise Timmy was in the car also! When we got to my cousin's mobile home we hung out there for half an hour just to wait for the manager to leave so we can all go swimming. Just our luck right when we open the gate she kicks us out. So than Jimmy, Timmy, Richard, and I go to Thi's old apartment complex to swim at that pool. Thankfully a lady was there and opened the gate for us. It was fun and it was nice hanging out with all of them. Seeing as I never see Timmy and I see Jimmy every once in a while. After we swam, Jimmy got us all something to drink at 711 and than took me home. When I got home my father and I looked at the stove and saw nothing that satisfied our taste buds so decided to drive to KFC. This is where my day got interesting. I was driving on Monterey and the light turned green indicating me to go right as I turn a car just comes flying past me running through a red light and was an inch away from an accident. It was such a close call I was petrified after that. After getting KFC having chicken and rice just made my day a little better :] After the incredible meal, I took a shower and than got on the computer to check my emails. I saw that my friend Jennifer and Kenny from Oregon was on AIM and remembered that she was in San Jose. Their grandpa past away not too long ago, may his soul rest in peace. The funeral will be held tomorrow at 9 a.m at Oak Hill, I ask God to let his soul rest in peace and be carried to heaven. Kenny and I decided to catch up on things and see how everything was going how life was. Interestingly enough, he and I are somewhat on the same page. It was great catching up with him and hopefully we can call meet up before they have to return to Oregon. It was already getting late and before I knew it it was midnight. So I ended the night making a phone call to James and could not go to sleep after so decided to write in my blog and here I am! Today really was an interesting day and It had me going through a roller coaster of different emotions.Love/Social: 
This is the most interesting topic I believe is to write about. It's hard to express what is going on in my love/social life because there is so much to say and I am still quite unsure about things myself. I met this guy and things have been great, better than I would have asked for. Although the trust issue has been on both of our minds. Im sure everyone can relate when you have found someone that molds you so well your aftraid of losing them. Well thats how I sort of feel. Girls are girls. They have a lot of power to do certain things and guys can easily fall into that. I know that I shouldn't worry too much because it is still early for anything but I guess I am hoping that we will get somewhere in a matter of time and this wont be another reinactment of the past. He does make me smile whenever I talk to him and makes me feel safe when I am around him but when I am not around him or talking to him it makes me worried. I know that the more feelings I put into this the more I push him away so I am not trying to do that; that is the last thing I would do. I love how I can talk to him about anything and it is funny how for the first time, it seems like I don't wear the pants in this, he does. It's nice to finally step down and let the man be in control, not full control but have some authority as to what he wants. I have always been the one to take the extra initiative to keep things going smoothly between me and the guy and I really get tired. It's nice to take a break from that and have someone do that for you. I really miss my family and friends especially the ones that are far away from me and those who I have lost contacted with. I miss my brother Qui dearly and I hope he only gets the best things in life. I am so proud of everything he has done in life and all fo the accomplishments he has made. Only God knows how much I care and love him and one day he will know how much unconditional love I have for him. I know what they say is true when they say "god must have spent a little more time on you." I ask God for him to stand by my mom and help her through her troubles because if she is blind enough to not see what is in front of her she is about to go down the road of troubles. The only person left to help her is you God because she pushes her family and friends away, including myself. I had a long talk with my mother yesterday after my father had left about her seperation and what he has done to her. It's crazy how fast she trusted him again and thats what got her falling in his trap. She doesn't realize that he has brainwashed her to do the things that he wants her to do. She has been spending outrageous amounts of money on things that are not necessary. This is not like my mom, for all of you who know her you would understand where I am coming from. You could say she isn't a dominant strong independant woman. She still needs help and someone to guide her, hold her hand through everything. As much as I have tried helping It doesn't help when she does not learn and take notice on her life. She cannot always depend on people to tell her what to do and how to do it. She is a grown woman and she needs to take position on her life and do this herself. Im not always going to be here. I am almost gone, I don't think that has clicked in her head.
This is the most interesting topic I believe is to write about. It's hard to express what is going on in my love/social life because there is so much to say and I am still quite unsure about things myself. I met this guy and things have been great, better than I would have asked for. Although the trust issue has been on both of our minds. Im sure everyone can relate when you have found someone that molds you so well your aftraid of losing them. Well thats how I sort of feel. Girls are girls. They have a lot of power to do certain things and guys can easily fall into that. I know that I shouldn't worry too much because it is still early for anything but I guess I am hoping that we will get somewhere in a matter of time and this wont be another reinactment of the past. He does make me smile whenever I talk to him and makes me feel safe when I am around him but when I am not around him or talking to him it makes me worried. I know that the more feelings I put into this the more I push him away so I am not trying to do that; that is the last thing I would do. I love how I can talk to him about anything and it is funny how for the first time, it seems like I don't wear the pants in this, he does. It's nice to finally step down and let the man be in control, not full control but have some authority as to what he wants. I have always been the one to take the extra initiative to keep things going smoothly between me and the guy and I really get tired. It's nice to take a break from that and have someone do that for you. I really miss my family and friends especially the ones that are far away from me and those who I have lost contacted with. I miss my brother Qui dearly and I hope he only gets the best things in life. I am so proud of everything he has done in life and all fo the accomplishments he has made. Only God knows how much I care and love him and one day he will know how much unconditional love I have for him. I know what they say is true when they say "god must have spent a little more time on you." I ask God for him to stand by my mom and help her through her troubles because if she is blind enough to not see what is in front of her she is about to go down the road of troubles. The only person left to help her is you God because she pushes her family and friends away, including myself. I had a long talk with my mother yesterday after my father had left about her seperation and what he has done to her. It's crazy how fast she trusted him again and thats what got her falling in his trap. She doesn't realize that he has brainwashed her to do the things that he wants her to do. She has been spending outrageous amounts of money on things that are not necessary. This is not like my mom, for all of you who know her you would understand where I am coming from. You could say she isn't a dominant strong independant woman. She still needs help and someone to guide her, hold her hand through everything. As much as I have tried helping It doesn't help when she does not learn and take notice on her life. She cannot always depend on people to tell her what to do and how to do it. She is a grown woman and she needs to take position on her life and do this herself. Im not always going to be here. I am almost gone, I don't think that has clicked in her head.
Lesson:
Today I have learned that people aren't always as what you might think they are. I underestimated someone today and for that I apologize. Communication is key and I have experienced that at its worst today. Keep living life as if it were your last. Stop thinking about all the negative things in life wether its going to happen or is happening and just enjoy life. Be happy and enjoy life while your still here because every year it will change. You can never look back at the past and relive anything. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Quote:
"He does not speak the truth but not a lie" - Ravey
Song of the Day:
Fighters by Lupe Fiasco ft. Matthew Santos
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